By Shruti Gautam
Spoons. A card game and a group of beloved utensils. However, these quintessential, eloquently crafted tools that aid humankind with almost all problems seem to be nonexistent in the Mark cafeteria. The staff at the Mark decided that to save water, they have all plastic plates. But, to the surprise of many of our readers, they also throw away all the silverware into one big pile everyday. At night, all of the metal silverware together is melted, and they forge new silverware. This brilliantly thought-out process saves them almost TWO whole ounces of water on average (a lot of water is used to put out the fire used to melt the silverware). According to the Jon Gunasingham law, people have a tendency to forge less spoons than knives. This explains how spoons often get disproportionately affected in the prejudicial act of “hypoforgerism”. Scholars are distraught, leading to many slurping soup and eating ice cream with knives. Many do not know how to go about their daily lives anymore. Amulya Agrawal said, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a spoon since I’ve been here. I’m forgetting about spoons.” The Keller administration has not provided any insight, despite our constant request for a comment. We need to put an end to this crisis. Talk to your local lunch lad(y). Bring change. Together, we can have spoons again.
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