by Henry Bueltmann
This is a collection of some of the wackiest pieces of MSA 2022 lore, written in collaboration with many scholars of that year. All stories are to be taken as completely 100% true, as witness accounts are completely flawless and no exaggeration has occurred whatsoever. Please do not attempt to recreate the events described in these accounts, as many are against the rules and did lead to punishment, are risky, or are just stupid.
Morbius viewing on floor 3
One brave scholar had their family bring them a TV power cable, an HDMI cable, and an iPhone to HDMI adapter. Around 30 scholars piled into the biggest lounge on floor 3 to view a pirated copy of Morbius which was being played on the iPhone and mirrored to the TV. They got about an hour in until being caught by an RA, then the scholars took all the cables and the phone and piled out of the lounge, covering their scent with febreze. They agreed to gaslight the RA into thinking it never happened. No scholars were punished.
Pilk (Pepsi milk) tasting
Some floor 4 scholars made pilk and had their RA try it. Their RA said it was good and tasked them with making more combinations, such as Dr. Pilk (Dr. Pepper and milk). 20 combinations were recorded in the 4th floor lounge. On the last day of MSA, they had their RA try every combination and create a tier list. During the testing, the RA poured a bit of each into a cup and chugged it. Pilk is said to cure all medical issues, even cancer.
Floor 4 chair robbery
In the first week of the academy, some floor 4 scholars stole all the chairs from floors 2 and 3. Due to their use of the elevators in transporting them, they were caught and punished. All chairs were safely returned
The jug
The house of Hunter “JHunter” Bailey, named the JHouse, created the most legendary drink of the academy, the jug. The jug was named this due to being based on Mug root beer, which was famously watered down and awful at the 2022 Mark. The jug is traditionally made by taking a plastic cup at the Mark, filling it to the top of the inner lines with sparkling water, then adding one squirt of Dr. Pepper. It is then to be chugged as quickly as possible. The jug can be made with this method using any combination of sodas available at the Mark. Some notable jug types are the jilk (milk and sparkling water), the omni jug (40% sparkling water and one squirt of every soda, causes extreme depression), the omni milk (every drink at the Mark with milk, causes extreme high), and El Jiablo (sparkling water, sriracha, tabasco, red pepper flakes from the pizza line, and a singular big hot cheeto, said to be the worst). The highest recorded number of jugs downed in one day by a single scholar is 20. A rule was made that if one person puts jug on the table then everyone has to jug. Many members of the JHouse and other scholars who partook in this reported severe jug withdrawal after the academy ended. The jug is also said to cause a high tolerance to “normal” sodas.
Globama event
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the World Weird Web convinced Steve “Killer” Keller to include a slide of Globama at big group. Globama received a standing ovation from the whole camp.
Second floor raid and subsequent riots
One fateful night, the 2nd floor raided floor 3 chanting “1 2 3 4 I love the 2nd floor 5 6 7 8 2nd floor is really great”. This caused the often divided houses of floor 3 to band together and fend them off. When the 2nd floor scholars moved on to floor 4, many from floor 3 followed them up there. The 4th floor and 3rd floor scholars, who after the chair incident were enemies, joined forces to make a human wall and trap the 2nd floor scholars, but unfortunately they were able to break through the wall after a long struggle and retreated to their floor. The scholars of floors 3 and 4 were unable to counter-attack the 2nd floor due to their own human wall. A retaliatory raid was planned for the next day, but canceled after the 2nd floor kids got yelled at by the feared Jenny. The sounds of this riot could be heard all the way up to floor 7.
Nighttime snack impromptu dance party
One night in week 3, the nighttime snack was ice cream. This ice cream had to be eaten outside, which caused many kids to pile up in the area around nighttime snack. In addition, the faculty in charge of snack had a bluetooth speaker and a microphone and were playing music and singing along. This perfect set of conditions led to the third dance party of the academy, loud enough to be heard from the 7th floor of Mark Twain. We Are Young at the Impromptu Street Dance June 29th
The Sound of Silence (MSA remix)
For class samplers, Austin’s major went on stage to perform music for the academy. After spending a while carefully tuning their instruments, Austin finally emerged to conduct the beautiful orchestra. As soon as his hands signaled start, nothing happened. Every scholar on stage was prepared to play at any time, but none ever did. It was over 4 minutes of complete silence, including a beautiful silent oboe solo in the middle.
Leg waxing
One scholar brought wax strips to the academy. The first instance of leg waxing was in the basement lounge. One scholar lost a poker game, and the penalty was getting his legs waxed right then and there. The second known waxing was at MSA live, where one brave scholar went up on stage and got a leg waxed without showing emotion or making a sound. The RA Evie went to the floor 2 lounge and waxed one scholar’s leg, again without the scholar showing any emotion. There are likely more unrecorded leg waxing events. It eventually became possible to spot people walking around with just one leg hairless.
The Lafferre watermelon
A whole watermelon was found on the ground outside Lafferre. No further information is known about this.
The Jand
Members of the JHouse, including JHunter himself, formed a legendary band called the Jand. They played at the talent show and at the internal closing ceremony to extremely positive reception.
Steve Keller shawty
At one big group, Steve Keller said the name of one person hosting an afternoon activity named Shadi. It sounded like he said shawty, causing stifled laughter among the crowd. When he asked what was funny, one unknown person at the front of the auditorium attempted to explain, then began to sing “Shawty’s like a melody in my head” causing the entire auditorium to erupt in laughter and Steve Keller to be extremely puzzled.
Father Roland’s cult
RA Roland Knight, more commonly known as Father Roland, got sick with COVID on day 3. The members of his house decided to construct a shrine in his lounge. A pile of leis was formed on the floor. Above the leis many papers were taped up. These included a printed picture of Father Roland, art of the house name (No Fly List) signed by every scholar in the house, and many small notes with positive messages on them. On the floor near the leis, many snacks and sweets were set against the wall as offerings. Father Roland took many of the offerings after emerging from his quarantine.
H2O has got to go
The famously bad Mark Twain drinking fountain water, known to cause digestive issues and taste like death, caused a protest during one class sampler. Scholars made signs and they stood up and chanted during their class sampler. The H2O has got to go movement remained relevant after, with some impromptu chants happening until the very last day.
Stokes Stokes
One scholar, Stokes “Stokes” Stokes, had a printing error on his nametag that said his name was Stokes Stokes. His real name is unknown.
Perfectly Mid v. Stokes
Direct court case transcript:
On Friday, June 17th in the 4th floor lobby, a peculiar note was found on the table next to a chess set. Pieces had been slowly disappearing from the chess set, but this time the disappearance was accompanied by a signature: ”The Zodiac”. He became known as the “Board Game Bandit”, and his name quickly spread across the floor, as well as neighboring floors.
Fast forward a bit, and more pieces are gone, more notes have appeared, and convictions have been made. Thursday night the public will decide who was really the Zodiac: Perfectly-Mid (Andrew) or Stokes (Cooper)
On June 29, 2022 at approximately 10:52, the jury found defendant Stokes Stokes guilty of their respective charges.
Stokes did return all the chess pieces and later publicly confessed to the heinous crime. Stokes was accused after his suspicious behavior during the search for the missing pieces, in which clues were given by cipher notes as to their hiding spot.
Roland card incident
Shortly before lights out, some scholars from Nathan’s house (floor 3) stole the card (debit, credit, the exact type is unknown) of Roland Knight. A gang war followed, with Roland’s scholars eventually reclaiming the card from the enemy and also getting a dollar bill.
Steve Keller squirrel
Steve Keller struck an innocent squirrel with his golf cart. The squirrel survived and went away limping. This same squirrel was seen several times by different scholars throughout the academy, still limping.
Storb (Steve orb) or Kellosphere
This was made as a combined effort between a scholar and the faculty Dani. It was made just after the internal closing ceremony. If it were made earlier then it would have been on a slide in big group.
Class struggle in Frank’s major
Frank, dictator of the To Infinity and Beyond major, was kidnapped by the scholars in his major after he told them to “stick it to the man” and that classes were “another unjust capitalist system” and that they should “overthrow the unjust system and run the class themselves”. Frank was released on the last day due to the major scholars being unable to figure out how to divide Frank up amongst themselves. The Math Imitates Art minor was also going to kidnap Frank, but they decided against it because there were already too many fractions to divide him into.
The key fob
The faculty from out of town were in a house that used a key fob. When Mike Kersulov arrived at the house, the woman in charge of moving them carefully demonstrated to him how to use it (you just tap it on the sensor) as if it was some sort of monumental task. One scholar reenacted the key fob teaching at the official talent show, carefully demonstrating how to use the key fob on a door that was drawn on a blackboard and making a beep sound with their mouth when they tapped it. Their partner for the act pretended to be completely incompetent and tapped everywhere but the sensor. This act received an extremely positive reaction from the crowd.
Floor 2 chair incident
I could not get information on this incident beyond a single photo
Miscellaneous unexplained photos
Two words: basement bathroom
father roland 4eva 🙏
morbin time 💯